The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
