We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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