Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
