I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
