ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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