she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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