i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
