whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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