okay pat passed out under dana's car
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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