4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
