She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
