Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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