Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
