Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
