Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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