Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
