i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
