I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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