Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
