Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
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