the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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