I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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