I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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