my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
