i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
