lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You can't just leave with hair like that
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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