Need sex. Gaining weight.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
