WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
