my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
