that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
