I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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