I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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