I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
