my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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