I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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