ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Randomize
