Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
