I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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