Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
