Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
