I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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