We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
