The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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