I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
