I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
