When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
