I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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