I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
God I need to hump something, right now.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
