that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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