i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
