I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
