Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
areolas are like halos for boobs.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
