Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
