last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
