Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
